the place where i LIVE

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I’m walking along a new path. White butterflies flit by. An acorn stops me to say hello. And the thought comes to mind “This is where I live.”

Maybe I should write it as “this is where i LIVE”.

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It is in this space- the one of a thousand details, that my soul sings.

It is in this space- the one of overloading my senses, that I don’t ‘try’.

It is in this space- the one where beauty meets every turn, that I am most me.

I am most me.

Do you have those times? The ones where you feel so ….you. And you love it. And you want to capture it and hold on to the moment.

I’ve wanted to be a big picture person.  But I’m not. I’m just not. I notice the nuances that escape others. I see tiny berries bursting forth in a vast landscape. The little details draw my eyes and my ears and my nose towards them.

I’ve wanted to me a more productive person. I can be. If I try. But it’s not my natural bent. If I could always choose my speed, it would be slow. Reflective.

But alas the world doesn’t have many job descriptions that call for those characteristics. And so I live in a realm of to do lists and meetings. Of parenting and responsibilities. I’m slowly learning though, that those meetings and tasks and roles, need me to be me. To steal moments that recharge me when I can.

This afternoon I’m able to trade in crossing off my to dos.  When life hands me an hour to walk along a new path in the woods, I find me. The trees don’t care how much I’ve gotten done today. My resume wouldn’t matter much to the stones. Their questions cover topics of joy and freedom.

I’m a little girl. I’m delighting in discovery. I just plain enjoy. Enjoy each step. Each branch. Each stone.

But halfway through my walk, I start to analyze. I accept this is how I’m made, to see, to notice. But I wonder “what is the value in the slow me that savours the simple?” I ask God, “what do you want me to do with how I’m made?” I ponder.

I walk. I stop. And walk again. How do I package this and use it for good? I turn it over and over in my head. But no answers are surfacing. No great ideas to market.

Towards the end of my walk, this thought comes to mind, “Maybe I can’t find answers, because I’m asking the wrong questions.”

Maybe this way that I’m made has absolutely nothing to do with how I can use it.

Maybe it has everything to do with a God that simply wants me to enjoy.

Maybe he savours lavishing lovely gifts of glistening spider webs and quiet babble of springs.

Maybe he knew someday his daughter would walk this path, and he carefully created a setting just for me.

Maybe in his economy there is something more than being productive and a good steward.

Maybe just plain enjoying a walk is more valuable than the world will be able to comprehend.

Maybe his love is beyond our capacity for understanding.

Maybe it feels too extravagant to take in how much he wants to give. How good his goodness is.

I near the end of my walk. A tree stump pops up just for me. I sit. I think I hear it whisper “It’s true.”

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Linking with Still Saturday.

and Playdates with God

Comments

  1. Julia Holtze says

    I love this posting, Melanie. Made me stop and breathe. I head to a prayer cabin in the woods tomorrow and can’t wait to just climb into my Father’s lap and rest, listen and watch. You were the start to my getaway. Thank you for the beautiful reminders…

  2. I so relate to some of your same personality traits! Beautiful post!

  3. Remembering our ‘photo shoot’ at Moraine and seeing your pictures later compared to mine……you did capture the miniature beauty of leaves, a pine cones and boards, And I remember thinking it never occurred to me to take ‘those’ kinds of pictures, I was busy with the whole forrest and lake….We are fortunate that we all have different mind sets that makes it a joy to share with each other.

    • Yes Sue, a good reminder that all of our perspectives are needed and valued. I tend to sell mine short. Thanks for your words and encouragement. We will have to do another photo shoot when you are up this way this fall!
      Love
      Melanie

  4. I love how our God is big enough to weave all of this together so that He put on your mind during your walk the same thing that He placed on Beth’s mind to speak about the day of the Mingling event. Yet He cares about us so much that He lays out the small things for us to enjoy as well–the stump just for you, the acorn just for you, the thoughts in your head just for you. Think Big, Focus Small-as Beth says. I really loved reading this, Melanie! So glad you’re writing again-I’ve missed it. And you!!! Love you!

    • He sure does seem to have a way of doing that!
      And for me it’s interesting in the focusing on the small, on the ways I see life, helps me do the ‘big’ things he calls me to. They prepare me.
      Thanks for always being an encouragement in my writing.
      Love
      Melanie

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