There is beauty in heartache. There is beauty in redemption. They stand alone. Each their own, unique offering to our souls.
There is beauty in both heartache and in redemption. Beauty in both trials and celebrations. Beauty in both waiting and receiving. Beauty in both tears and laughter. But we often live in an ‘either/or’ world.
A world that will allow some time for grieving, but has an unspoken calendar announcing its time to move on. But in this middle place, one of the greatest beauties lives. Her name is Hope. She is not some pie in the sky,” I hope all turns out all right”, kind of hope. But the real, substantive, messy hope that will carry you through the fire.
When we face a trial, waiting for hope, living a both/and kind of life, can be the hardest place. I have felt the pull to land on one side or the other. In our past journey to become parents it could sound like this:
Another loss comes and I feel the pull to give up. To say “I’m not made to be a mom.” Or “I should have known better than to believe this could be true.”
And with those lies I stay in the place of heartache, trails and tears. putting it on like a cloak to let it become my identity. I numb my hope and buck up to accept what may come. Playing a martyr I deny what I want the most.
Or…
Another loss comes and I don’t let myself feel the sadness. I jump right up. Determined to make this happen. I research everything and equip myself with knowledge. I deserve this I shout. And I will push through and you will know I am capable.
And with that pride I do a disservice to my own heart. My demanding spirit drives me places I don’t really want to be. The rest I long for alludes me when I take this stance.
But there is another way. It is the way of waiting and crying out. It is pouring all the questions and anger on the only one who can really do anything about it. It is rising up, not on our own strength, but with the aid of the one who never tires.
It is the place where hope lives. Tying together both the heartache of what was lost and the dream of what could be.
“Hope begins when the memory of what was becomes a longing for what is to be restored.” Jan Meyers (The Allure of Hope)
The face of hope is beauty full. It takes our breath away when we see someone living this ways. Having faced loss and daring to dream again. Dreams that they can’t guarantee will be fulfilled, but dreaming them anyway. Not giving up on who they were meant to be, living the life they were created to live. Right in the middle of heartache and redemption.
When have been times in your life you have lived in the both/and?
Who do you know if your life that lives with a hope that might seem crazy to the world?
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This is really wonderful. Love finding a blogger that sounds like my own thoughts – preaching truth back to myself. It’s hard to hear new thoughts and apply them, but these thoughts are my own and prompt me back to what’s true. Thank you. Looking forward to more.
Wendy
Thank you! I agree, one of my favorite parts of blogging is connecting with people of similar heartbeats. Even if we express it differently, to feel heard and understood.
Thanks for your encouragement.
This entire year has been a living in the both/and for me. Sometimes it is so hard to accept what is when it is something else our heart so desires. I feel hope though and I am certain that one day I will see the good in the trials I am having to face to get where I want to be. Thank you for this wonderful post! xxx
A year is a long time of living in the both/and. Amazed at your hope and strength to hold on. Would love to check out your blog.
Thank you for your words…
I like the part where you mentioned allowing yourself to feel the sadness. I think too often we brush it aside, stuff it down and move on to the next thing. But because of the layer of sadness, we can’t really be present at the next thing.
Jenny
Yes, so often our world wants us to keep the sadness at bay. But it is such a part of the process. Beauty in heartache.
The last year and a half have been the both/and for me.
I was in a very serious relationship for five years. He was my best friend. I thought I was going to marry him. One day, out of the blue, he ended it. Without reason, without cause. My life was over.
It was only through living in the both/and that I was able to come out of it alive. I was broken into a million pieces, but I was also forced to learn to love myself. I was terrified of my future, but I was also excited about the endless possibilities it could hold!
Identifying my pain and using it to better myself was how I made it through.
Lovely post.
Hi Samantha
Thank you for sharing your heartache, your vulnerability. ‘broken into a million pieces’, such a picture of what it is when news like that comes from seemingly no where.
Thanks for your encouragement….enjoy your wine weekend.
Great post. Scripture comes to mind. “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings,knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Rom. 5). Hope. Hope is beautiful, and it’s nemesis, despair? Hideous. But I have been amazed that God is present in both. He longs to lead us into Hope & redemption, but even in despair, He is with us. Good word today, Melanie!
I love the Romans passage in this context. Hope and despair. With us in it all.
Thank you for your encouragement today.
We owe ourselves to make the most of every situation, to never give up, no matter how much the heart aches sometimes. One thing that helps me when I’m really down is thinking: hey, I’m at the bottom and I survived. This is the worse things could go, so when your down, the only possible way from there is upwards. I hope this will help others too. 🙂
When I read your comment, my first thought was we had our wedding rehearsal dinner at Rock Bottom Brewery. Our parents commented that well if we start off there, we only have one way to go.
Perspective.
Have a good weekend.
The longing for rest really speaks to me. I loved this post. 🙂
Thank you dear Melissa!
Ooh. Love the both/and idea – so true, so beautiful.
Hi Liz
I feel like right now I’m seeing both/and in everything. Seems to happen like that!
Thanks for your encouragement
Oh, my heart aches for you. I’ve done a lot of living in the both/and–I think it’s where God uses us the most. My current heartache lies in my daughter’s struggle with faith and depression and loss of hope. And so I pray. A lot. Thank you for sharing this beauty and inspiration at Inspire Me Mondays :).
Anita
It does seem God works a lot in those middle places.
Thank you for sharing about your daughter…such a tender and hard place to be. Praying alongside you as I type these words that God’s presence sustains and invites hope.
Take care.