It was only a two hour drive. Each mile that passed on the road, my breathing got slower, but my mind was still racing. “Did I finish everything I needed to before leaving?” My work list, my kids list, all of it twirling around in my head. Slowly, and intentionally I let each thought go, putting it in a “paper boat to sail down the river.” By the time we arrived at our cottage by Lake Erie I could begin to acknowledge how tired I was. Soul tired. From a challenging parenting season. Tired in a way that I knew physical rest was only a part of being refreshed. Tired in a way that I had been afraid to slow down for fear that I may never get back up. Fear that too much would flow out of me. Too much surrender.
And so the first morning came. I resisted being with God. I didn’t have enough energy for that. I tried to get still. But my mind would have none of that. It took until about 3pm for me to say “Fine. I will grab my journal and my bible and walk the rocky path down to the shore.” I sat here, in the picture above. And stared at the water for the longest time. Letting the waves lap over me. Letting them take away the fear. Asking them to wash away all that was bottled up inside of me. And they began to. Slowly.
I sat for two hours. Wanting to figure out how to take the peace of the water, the peace of my view, and store it up inside of me. To carry it home. But I felt like as soon as I leave, the peace will evaporate. I sighed and thought before I head back up the trail, I will at least open my bible. I don’t often do this, but I said “God where should I read?” I felt a quiet response, Psalm 62. It was my own voice and my own picking of a scripture, so I thought, I’ll flip there and then pack up.
“My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:1-2
In God alone. Not in peaceful settings or in the absence of conflict and troubles. Not even in the waters of Lake Erie lappin against the rocks. My soul finds rest in God alone. Ahh but I seek false peace. All the time. I began writing in my journal. Writing of all the ways I equate the absence of conflict as peace. Writing about my calling as a peace maker not a peace keeper. And then writing about the one in whom can handle it all. He alone is my rock.
My soul- my innermost being, so desperately seeks peace and rest. I settle for false peace. But it will never satisfy. My soul finds rest in God alone. Instead of seeking peace, seek God. Seek his face. His presence. And so I walked back up my path, realizing this was the beginning of my time away, the beginning of letting rest come in. It was not the wrapping up of a few hours by the water to soak up all the peace I could get. It was a return to a person. A return to not doing but being. A return to who I am made to be.
My soul finds rest in God alone. In God alone.
Where are you finding rest today? And how can God be part of that?
