We sat at Caribou Coffee. The one in White Bear Lake. Holding back the frustration of our day not going the way intended. When my dad said:
“It’s not about the pumpkin.”
I don’t know when the tradition had started. Maybe it was when I was ten. I remember my mom was in the hospital that year. My dad made my Halloween costume. A hobo. We went to the pumpkin patch.
Every year since then a tradition was built. My dad and I were the pumpkin getters. Lunch spent talking and dreaming was added to the adventure.
Through high school and college we looked forward to our time together. In my 20s with work and life, we fit it in. Somewhere along the way, that is what it was becoming. Fitting it in.
Until this day at Caribou. I was about 30 years old. Somehow time had slipped and we were the day before Halloween. Just now scouring the pumpkin patches for our pumpkin.
It was cold. The first place we went- No pumpkins. The second place- A long drive to discover only pie pumpkins left. The car had the rising tension you can feel, but are keeping at bay. We were about to head for our first grocery store pumpkin. My dad said, let’s stop for coffee.
We sat. We asked each other questions about our jobs. About life. My dad with whom conversation easily flowed. I could feel my heart making a U-turn from the frustration that had laid ahead. Back to laughter. Back to enjoying each other. Our 20 year pumpkin date.
That’s when he said:
“It’s not about the pumpkin. It has never been about the pumpkin. The pumpkin was our vehicle to have special time together.”
Tears came. I knew it was true. I also knew it was true that in the busyness of life I had made it about the pumpkin. Something to check off my to do list. Veering off course from its initial purpose.
About seven years after our Caribou revelation, Rob and I had our third miscarriage. October 2004. My parents flew out to Seattle to be with us. Late at night we brought their bags into our house. Talked a bit and all headed to bed.
In the morning, I walked into our kitchen. There was a huge pumpkin on the counter.
My dad had picked out a pumpkin. Put it in his carry on. Brought it across the country. In his love for me.
What I of course couldn’t have known, was that it was our last pumpkin adventure. The next August my dad would pass away. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. (I have written about my dad’s death here, Death is Not My Friend and here, Redemption of a Date)
No more pumpkins. But I am left with a legacy. Of relationships. Of love. Of parenting.
A beautiful legacy that is rich and deep and textured. Beautiful because God’s goodness stepped in where evil wanted to reign. Beautiful because a tender father/daughter relationship prevailed over a world that turns time into a to do list. Beautiful because my dad’s love has not lessened with time, but continues to speak life and beauty into many.
Linking with Inspire Me Monday.
I am participating in The Nester’s 31 Days of Series. Click right here to see all the amazing topics! I am writing on 31 Beauty Full Days. You can read the intro post here. And you can also always click on the button on the sidebar to see all posts in the series.
We only have a couple of days to go!!
Oh, sweet friend! This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for reminding me that the time we spend with our loved ones ‘isn’t about the pumpkin’–it’s about spending time building memories. I needed that reminder.
What a beautiful legacy! I didn’t have a super-close relationship with my Dad, but I turned 16 while he was deployed overseas and when he got back he set about teaching me to drive (Mum had tried and failed). We would go fill up his car on Sunday afternoons, and if I was willing to drive then we’d go get coffee. We tried every local cafe… found our favorite… and kept having our coffee dates up until I got married and moved away. I still try to have coffee with just him when we go back for visits — because it’s *not* about the coffee. <3
Such a beautiful legacy – reading this brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful reminder that time spent with our loved ones is precious! It really isn’t about the pumpkin!
Thank you, Melanie, for your kind words over at my blog today! I, too, am very grateful to have met you through this writing challenge and I look forward to getting to know you so much better in the future! Hugs xxx
Great reminder that holidays – any holidays – are about family. Not gifts, not pictures, not showing off your fine china, but family spending time together.
Melanie, this post really got to me. Maybe because I thought on all of the traditions that Ahab and I have that I completely take for granted. The pumpkin – it’s a beautiful metaphor for the time. Thank you. Thank you so very much for sharing your heart here with us. And for the important reminder that time is a gift, not a given.
What a tender story to share with us. Thank you.
This brings tears to my eyes. What an incredibly sweet thing for your dad to bring a pumpkin to you on a plane! The memories of our loved ones are so priceless, thanks for reminding us to make them whenever we can.
I have so many tears in my eyes write now! This just lifted my day up so much. Even amid the loss and pain, what a beautiful legacy. And bringing a pumpkin across the country? Pretty amazing love right there!
Visiting from Inspire Me Monday-Thank you so much for the inspiration today!
I am crying too. This is so special and it’s true. All of these traditions and little details can get lost in the shuffle of the Holiday marketing consumer craze, but what is really important is using these times to connect. Absolutely beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
Like other readers, I have tears in my eyes. What a beautiful picture of love, legacy and priorities! For my dad, it was working on cars or similar projects – a connection through labors of love. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story!
“Beautiful because a tender father/daughter relationship prevailed over a world that turns time into a to do list.”
What a beautiful legacy and one that I hope to create in my role as a mother. Those little details are what makes the moment. Thank you for sharing, for linking up, and for giving us a piece of you.
XO
Oh Melanie! I LOVED this! “It’s not about the pumpkin.” I think I need to frame that, if not on my walls how about on my heart? It’s so easy to get busy and forget the most important thing! Thanks for linking up on Inspire Me Mondays!